The Gull Reef Club

8/13/2013

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Filed under: — Jaime @ 9:44 pm

On the topic of advertising, here are few ways NOT to advertise to me:

1. Belly Fat. I have a region on my body I call a stomach. It is also acceptable to refer to that region as my torso or my abdomen. I am an adult; therefore, I do not have a belly. Santa and jolly, fat men generally, have bellies. Little kids have bellies. Many dogs and cats like to be rubbed on their bellies. I, however, do not have a belly. If you push fat-burning pills to middle aged women, do not refer to my stomach as a ‘belly’ in your ads. Got it?

2. Dumb, Dummy. There are two ads running that use a form of the word dumb. One is a skeezy mortgage company that implores, “Don’t be a dummy, save some money.” Eloquent rhyme scheme aside, I’m unsure how this tact works. The other ad is for a budget hotel chain that suggests to contact them via your smartphone or your ‘dumb phone’. I think this one’s a little more innocuous than the mortgage company, but annoying nonetheless. There’s something about the word dumb that I find particularly offensive, close to ‘retarded’. It’s just not cool to infer your potential customers are dumb in anyway.

3. Kid Voice-overs. There are countless advertisements geared toward adults that engage children for its voice-over. I find this exploitative twice over – once of the children used in advertising at all, and twice of their (unsuccessful) attempt to pull at my emotions by hearing the pleas of a child. It’s just wrong to use children in ads, also and including public service announcements. Let kids be ad-free in every possible way.

4. Smug Guy. This appears to be a trend among companies that anthropomorphize themselves as corporate hipsters – Apple, Google, Honda, On-star all quickly come to mind. Each of them have utilized a voice-over guy who comes off as condescending and smug (it’s not the same guy everytime; it’s a style). They speak to you like a know-it-all. They are way smarter than you’ll ever be, glorifying a product they declare enriches, nay completes, your very existence. If I ever see smug guy, I can’t decide if I should punch him in his ugly, square framed, black glasses or yank his goatee first.

5. Don’t be Geico or Progressive.

This may or may not be a continuing series.

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The Gull Reef Club