Forgive me Beachcombers if this appears to you as an exercise in grammar pedantry. I assure you, it’s not. The abuse of the English language, particularly – nay especially – in modern journalism has gone too far. I’ve had enough, and it’s time to speak up.

Attention all editors, journalists, and other daily writers in English! The conjunctions ‘And’ ‘But’ and ‘Or’ should NEVER, EVER, EVER, NEVER, EVER start your sentences. N-E-V-E-R. Am I clear here? The very idea of a conjunction is that it joins two connecting thoughts. Ergo, NO English language sentence (outside flowery literature) should ever begin with any of these three words. If your sentence does begin with one of these words, a connection is NOT being made and you have failed the basic conjunctive purpose. This translates to me: you are STUPID, perhaps lazy, most likely both.

I’m so tired of reading major news-dailies that are either unwilling or unable to recognize this simple concept. Please – for the love of all language English – STOP printing sentences that begin with conjunctions.

Glad I have REAL things to worry about, eh?