The Gull Reef Club


Chill Out, Child

Filed under: — Jaime @ 12:41 am

It must suck to be so negative. That’s what I thought tonight as we were on River Street, completing our annual ritual of watching a great fireworks show here in Savannah. The reason I had this thought is because of a very nasty old man who attempted (and failed) to ruin our fun.

As Mike and I were watching the Independence Day display on the Savannah River, an old(er) man and his fat wife were leaving during the height of festivities. He was obviously pissed off about something. Probably directed at his fat wife or his lame life. They were leaving just as the fireworks were getting underway. You immediately know something is wrong with a person if they are willing to leave when the fireworks are shooting off. When small children are involved, it is understandable. When it is an old dude and his fat wife, eh, my sympathies wane. Ok, become non-existent. Simply stated, there is no reason to leave during the middle of the show if there are no fussy kids involved. Old dude, however, had a chip on his shoulder and had to get out of there.

Old Dude, being the jerk that he was, stopped dead in front of Mike while he waited for his fat wife to huff, puff, and catch up to him. Mike politely said to him, “Excuse me. You stopped right in front of me. I can’t see.” Old Dude responds with a very nasty, “Chill out, child.”

First off, calling a man who is just months away from his 30th birthday as ‘child’ is a compliment more than anything. Trying to incorporate the ‘chill out’ just emphasized what an out-of-touch ass Old Dude was. Mike and I both chuckled at Old Dude, whose wife caught up and was poking him in the back to move on. A few steps on, Old Dude looks back as if to try and start something with Mike. I quickly interject with a sappy, cheesy, “Happy 4th of July!” He rolled his eyes at me and disappeared into the throng. I’m sure he heard us laughing at him as he moved on.

This incident both amuses and saddens me. What a sad, pathetic life one must lead that compels one to leave during one of the best fireworks displays in the nation. I can only imagine the self-induced stressful, upsetting lives that Old Dude and Fat Wife must lead. Sucks to be you two. If this was 230 years ago, we’d of probably tarred and feathered his type. We needn’t do that now. That he wallows in his own crapulence is enough vindication that my Independence Day was better than his.

Happy Independence Day, beachcombers!

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The Gull Reef Club