If you own or have ever employed the used a leaf blower you should be taken out and flogged publicly. Or, at the very least, forced to sit through hours of audio recordings of your damned machine. There is nothing a leaf blower can do that a hose or broom can’t.

I’ll spare you my sentiments on the connection between lizard brain-driven males and their apparent need to use leaf blowers. C’mon, you gotta admit, women don’t have this issue.