The Gull Reef Club

8/24/2005

If you sprinkle when you tinkle…

Filed under: — Jaime @ 8:01 pm

…wipe the seat or me and my can of Lysol are coming after you.

We are experiencing a bit of difficulty with our bathroom situation at work. Our firm rents an office in a building and we share the floor with another office. There is one community bathroom for each gender on the floor. In total, there are five women regularly who use our bathroom.

As of late, however, it seems as if people had been making their way off the street and finding their way to our bathroom. Countless, disgusting, personal, feminine messes have been left. I armed myself with a can of Lysol every time I entered.

Just last week there was a strange woman in the bathroom when I chanced to be in there. As I came out of the stall, she was at the sink counter obsessively placing her plastic bag down, picking up again, and replacing back down. More bothered by germs than weirdos, I proceed to the sink adjacent to hers to wash my hands. She looks at me and exclaims with childlike wonder, “You look like a teenager!” “Uh, thanks” was my flat reply. “No, really! You REALLY look like a teenager!” Before the conversation went beyond creepy, I gave her a fast, “have a nice day!” and got the hell out of there.

Well, the ladies in the other office get this brilliant idea today to start locking the bathroom door. They have a key, we have a key, a key to pee. Sounds like a good plan to prevent any further excreted mysteries, right? Wrong! I go in there late in the day. In the small stall is a bowl of disgusting darkness. In the large stall, the seat is covered with piss. WTF!?!?!?

Safely assured this afternoon’s misuse of the facilities was not caused by me, leaves 4 others, two of whom are my coworkers. I simply don’t want to believe the dootie is being done by either of my dear girls. The other ladies aren’t all that bad either, so it’s hard to have such thoughts about any of them. It’s Savannah, so I suppose I could blame a ghost.

Now the question is, do we opt for the cutesy sign stating ‘if you sprinkle…’ or the one reminding everyone ‘your mother doesn’t work here’?

All gods bless our cleaning people. They don’t get paid nearly enough.

4 Responses to “If you sprinkle when you tinkle…”

  1. Titus says:

    Perhaps one that says, “If your aim is sub-par, ours won’t be!” and have a set of crosshairs over a figure on a toilet.

  2. Turnea says:

    It always makes me laugh to see what people write in the restrooms around here.

    The men’s room in the library for instance has a sign reading.

    “Our aim to to maintain functional and sanitary restroom facilities.”

    Below that is a student’s impromptu addendum.

    “Your aim helps too”

    Kill them with comedy.

  3. Jaime says:

    Nice one, Titus. A bit militant for a girlie bathroom, doncha think? :D

    Turnea, your comment reminded me of when I was in college. There was this stall in one of the buildings where someone had taken the liberty to write “What God Wants, God Gets.” Someone below that finished with “God help us all.” There was something special about that stall and I alway made a point of using it knowing it had been the chosen spot for two other Roger Waters fans.

  4. Ataal says:

    I have two experiences that I’d like to share regarding public bathrooms. The first one is when I was 15-16 working at a fast food place. One of my tasks was to clean the restrooms. One day, I was out scrubbing the brick floor outside on the patio when an old man came up to me and said there was a huge mess in the men’s bathroom. Thanking myself for not eating yet, I walked in wondering what I would find. My first thought was a stopped up toilet that had overflowed, or possibly kids in there with toilet paper everywhere. When I opened the door though, it appeared to be spotless. No tp anywhere. Whew! I walk over to the stall, perfectly clean. So, I thought maybe he meant the ladies room. I knocked first, then opened the door, nothing. I walk back in the men’s room and then I see it. In the urinal, someone had gone number two in the place where you’re supposed to go number one!!!! Who DOES that? To this day, I wonder how they did it. I mean, this urinal is placed pretty high up, it would take a man over 6′ to do it comfortably. Maybe they went in the stall, picked it up and placed it in the urinal? *barf*

    My second one was when I was about 24, working for Intuit. I went to use the employee bathroom and noticed a “dirty magazine” in the stall. As I got closer there seemed to be a *cough* foreign substance on the toilet seat. Honestly….who does that? At work??? I guess some people take nooners any way they can. :p

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